I’m choked up on my words before I even begin to write. I find I’m still emotional from my post earlier today. It had been 6 years since I had written something other than poetry or a song.
My post about dealing with chronic illness seemed to be received well. I’ve sat for hours contemplating what to write next. My hands aching to pick up a pen. My mind racing with ideas that never form a single complete thought.
Now, I’m a Gemini so I’m used to having scattered thoughts. But as my illness take over I’m finding more of them scattered farther out. I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine who said she thinks of her brain as a large room filled with files of everything she’s ever learned. (I believe similar to a Stephen King book). However, there’s no rhyme or reason to her filing system. I told her, I think a tornado hit mine.
Being scattered brained and inconsistent makes writing difficult. If you can’t follow your own train of thought, how can you expect your reader to? It’s like jumping tracks and leaving your passenger without a memo. They’ll be more lost than you. Ok so…where was I?
Oh yeah, completing a thought. Seems to me, I’m learning, I’ve always struggled with completing one thing….figuring out what to do with my life. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do complete projects and I CAN stick with some things.
I showed dogs (in 4-H and professionally) for 10 years and I was dedicated to graduating High School with honors (which I did). But then I turned 18, which meant graduating high school as well as the end of my showing days. So what’s every honors graduates next move? College right?
I changed my major three times. I started out as an English major but I
got bored hated my professor. So I dropped out, moved out of state and got accepted to Le Cordon Blu in Portland. I hated it too actually, I got homesick and dropped out, moved home and changed my major to Spanish. You seeI have a passion for food and language.
So here I am, 6 years later. I constantly lose my vision, can barely walk on my own and lose the use of my hands. I started my own business two years ago take a look . But I can no longer do this with ease or certainty that I can complete a project. I mentioned before, about finding the new you. So now, I am FINDING THE NEW ME. I’m writing again. Which is where I was in 2006. So is this the new
me. It has taken me a lot of time and it will probably take me more. old
Don’t be afraid to try new things. Don’t be left thinking what if?. Find the new you. It’s OK to drop what’s not working to pick up something that might.
FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE and what your meant to do. Im signing off for now.